Dating Tips

Breaking the ice – in any situation – is no easy feat. Whether you’re approaching someone at a bar, a party, or online — putting yourself out there can be an awkward and scary experience, even for those who are naturally outgoing. In general terms, though, ending up alone for the rest of your life is probably more awkward and scary than putting yourself out there. So, while it sucks to be proactive, we don’t really have a choice.

But, lucky for Zooskers, you’ll find that breaking the ice online is a lot easier and a lot less frightening than approaching someone in real life. You don’t have to deal with a crowd of people watching you, you can take a really long time thinking of what to say, and you have the assurance of knowing that the people you’re approaching are also single and open to meeting someone – after all, they’re on a dating site. With that knowledge plus the following tips in mind, you’ll realize that breaking the ice online isn’t so bad after all. In fact, you might even surprise yourself when you actually have fun doing it.

5. Don’t be nervous.

Even if your stomach is tied up into knots and you’re so nervous you can barely type, try to stay calm. Go splash some cold water on your face, look in the mirror, and ask yourself, “What do I have to lose?” Really, it’s not like the person on the other end of the message is going to publicly reject you, and you’ll never have to see this person in real life if nothing comes out of your attempt. The worst that can happen is an “I’m not interested” message, which you can quickly relegate to your Zooskbox trash. And, if you get no response at all, you can do what we do and just pretend it never happened. The ability to compartmentalize is a beautiful thing. Voila.

4. Do your homework.

Actually take the time to read someone’s date card before sending that first message. I know a lot of us are quick on the draw when it comes to messaging people who catch our eye, but it helps to actually know something about that person before you click “send”. And, from the feedback we’ve received, we know that’s exactly what your fellow Zooskers want you to do. Zoosker Elizabetta writes in our Community Forums, “Before flirting or mailing – please – read the card. Do not just look at the photo! Think: Do we have anything in common, why would she be interested in me? There is a reason she has written all that.” Damien says, “The best flirt I ever received was from a lady who wrote something that showed she had at least read my profile. In fact, I thank her to this day for her honesty and friendly reply.” Tailor-made messages, like tailor-made clothes, really do fit better. You’ll see.

3. Cool your jets.

“Cool it down,” isn’t just a lyric in one of our favorite Velvet Underground songs. It’s also basic advice when it comes to dating. Zoosker Nathaniel elaborates, “Girls get tired of cheesy compliments like, ‘you are so beautiful, you have such beautiful eyes, I think I’m in love, I’ve died and gone to heaven, if I’m sleeping don’t wake me, I must be dreaming, let’s do it, your so hot, etc.’ Don’t use pick up lines ever. They don’t work.” The same goes for guys; everyone will just think you’re creepy if you over-do it with compliments, especially when you barely know them. Also, while it’s one thing to be tongue-in-cheek, it’s another thing to be vulgar – and sometimes it’s too easy to slip into the latter when you’re trying to be the former. The best way to approach a first message is to keep it in ‘friend’ territory. Keep things light and simple. You have plenty of time to develop things further, so be patient for now.

2. Avoid TMI

TMI – or ‘too much information’ – about yourself is a no-no on a first date, and it’s also a no-no with a first message too. Generally, when people talk too much about themselves it reveals a real problem with listening, which is a turn off. If things work out between you and your prospective match, they’ll find out everything about you in due course. There is no need to tell someone everything about your life right away. Also, keep an eye on the scale of your letter. Don’t write a novel, but don’t send a haiku either. While you should make sure you include enough text to spark someone’s interest, don’t include so much that they fall asleep while scrolling through it. And you should make sure at least some of your sentences end with the “?” sign. Asking questions in your message – as opposed to talking nonstop about yourself – is also great bait in getting a reply.

1. Spellcheck. Prease. Please. And Grammar is sexy.

Never underestimate the power of a typo-proof letter. Typos – and grammatical mistakes – are ugly blips that detract from the sincerity and sweetness of putting your feelings down on paper. Can you imagine what Sonnet 18 would be like if instead of “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day,” Shakespeare wrote instead, “Shlal I compaer the 2 a sumur’s dai?” Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May indeed. If you feel uncomfortable with the grammatical integrity of your letter, why not run a simple grammar check and spell check on it via Microsoft Word – or have someone proofread it for you – before copy and pasting it back into Zoosk? It’s not that hard, we promise. We’ve heard Zooskers complain about spelling and grammar before, so you don’t want to be one of those people getting complained about. You are a human being, not an LOLCat, so don’t write like one. Meow.

Just to give you an idea of what a good first message might look like, below is a sample first message we quickly penned as a work of example.

Hi _____. My name is _____, and I really liked what you said in your profile!

We share a lot of interests, like synchronized swimming and live action role playing games. It also appears that we have really similar music taste. Norwegian death metal is the best! What’s your favorite band? Also, I noticed in your picture that you have a pet turtle. I have a pet turtle too, named Rick! He’s thirty-five years old. Do you have any other pets? I’m a vegetarian and I love animals, and I’m happy to read that you’re a vegetarian too.

Anyway, I hope to hear back from you because you sound really interesting. Have a nice day!

Best,



source blog: http://community.zoosk.com/dating-advice-f50/5-tips-on-writing-that-first-mess age-t29992.html

We all make mistakes, especially when it comes to love. Love can blind us to a person’s faults. In love’s darker moments, when confronted with warning signs that tell us blatantly that we shouldn’t be with this person we foolishly love, and that they are hurting us, we stubbornly choose to ignore them despite our better judgment.

Luckily, when we are faced with our own catastrophic mistakes, we can learn from them and avoid making the same mistakes in the future. Falling for the wrong person is one of the biggest — and most painful — mistakes you can make in the game of love. You shouldn’t feel too bad if you’ve ever loved someone who ripped your heart out of your chest to use like a soccer ball. We’ve all been there, seriously. But from a person who’s been in that situation, I hope it never happens again and that we all learn from our mistakes. So, seasoned daters — here are 10 types of daters you should avoid at all cost to prevent future heartache. Pay attention to these red flags!

1. The workaholic

It takes a special kind of person to handle dating a workaholic. Either you can handle it, or you can’t. A workaholic will, 99.9% of the time, put you second to their work — and not only their work, but their boss, their co-workers, and everyone and everything else associated with that work. It’s not in the nature of a workaholic to spend hours gazing into your eyes and spending whole days in bed with you without getting jittery about working. Even if you marry a workaholic, this person will bring a Blackberry on the honeymoon and give it equal amounts of attention as you. Can you handle it? If you can’t, stay away.

2. The adult baby

Wah wah wah. Nothing worse than an adult baby! This person whines and complains about everything. They might also have an unnatural attachment to their mother/father/both parents as if they were still a child. Can you handle this level of immaturity? Adult babies are unbearably high-maintenance and require physically draining amounts of attention from the person they are with. Unless you get a serious kick out of playing mommy or daddy, avoid grown children.

3. The rampant flirt

Who can handle being in a relationship with someone who is constantly flirting with other people? Not only is this mind-bogglingly thoughtless and inconsiderate, but it’s straight-up annoying. If you get the sense that the person you’re dating is a flirt-a-holic with anyone other than you, kick ‘em to the curb and hit the road.

4. The mooch

If your date is mooching off your limited resources beyond the reasonable limit, you need to cut their mooching ways out of your life. Does this person conveniently ‘forget’ their wallet whenever you go out to each? Ask you to borrow money that is mysteriously never repaid? Pilfer things from your apartment without letting you know? Ask you blatantly for freebies, whether they be gifts, vacations, or anything else? Gross. Don’t date a mooch.

5. The angry one

Never date a person with anger management issues. People with anger issues are often masking deeper, darker issues, like cycles of abuse, whether they be emotional or physical. If you sense that the person you are with has a quick temper (exhibiting behavior such as road rage, anger at children or animals, irrational outbursts) tell them to seek professional help and then remove them from your life.

6. The jealous one

Jealous people are jealous because they want to control you. Jealousy is an emotion that correlates strongly with feelings of control, manipulation, and distrust. If you feel that your partner is overly jealous all the time, telling you who you can or cannot see, asking you where you’ve been, threatening people who approach you in bars with physical violence, you need to take a step back from the relationship ASAP. You cannot be with a person who does not trust you, bottom line.

7. The rude one

A little rudeness might just stem from ignorance. Maybe this person doesn’t know that tipping is customary, or that you shouldn’t elbow people standing in front of you if you want to pass. If rudeness is based on ignorance, simply inform the rude party that they ought to alter their behavior. However, if rudeness is endemic — that is to say, if the person in question is just plain rude by nature and won’t change their behavior, you shouldn’t date this person. If your friends can’t get along with the person you’re dating, that is a huge warning sign that you shouldn’t be dating that person in the first place.

8. The sexually confused

Do not date someone who is sexually confused. It will only further their sexual confusion and give you a huge, paranoid complex when it comes to relationships in the future. If you are dating someone who does not know if they are gay or straight, gently let this person know that they should hold off on dating anyone, gay or straight, until they figure things out.

9. The on-the-sly cheater

If you cheat once, you are much more likely to cheat again. This is not to say that cheaters cannot change their ways with enough willpower. I’m merely saying that if the person you are seeing has cycles of cheating behavior in their past relationships, perhaps it’s time to readjust where the two of you stand with one another. The best rule of thumb is to just not date people who’ve consistently cheated in past relationships. You don’t have to personally catch someone in the act to prove they are a cheater.

10. A sociopath

Don’t date a sociopath. Please.


source blog: http://community.zoosk.com/dating-advice-f50/10-types-of-people-to-avoid-when- choosing-a-date-t29956.html